豆しば 3/20: Peanut
forgot that this cold medicine contained one of the Nope Ingredients and now i’m just spacily trying to work out
why do i even have arms, says the Nope Ingredient
what even is the point of anything anymore
this accordion is sooooo heavy what if I just laid it on my chest and closed my ey—NO! WORKING OUT! LIFT ALL THE THINGS!
make sure you’d say something calmly before shouting it. otherwise no one will ever take you seriously, and rightly so.
for best results, take it a step further and don’t even shout at all. deliver everything in a dangerously even, thoughtful voice. this will make you much more frightening.
i almost want to leave a comment to the effect of “WAIT GUYS this is clearly a GOVERNMENT STING designed to root out all those enlightened to the ~wORLD JEWISH CONSPIRACY~ so we have to be cautious and use the secret code signs, such as smearing our own shit on car bumpers. for more secret code signs visit lemonparty.org”
It has come to my attention tonight that some people don’t know about Chris Evans’s freckles. Let me tell you about his freckles.
he has frECKLES leave me to DIE
i’ve been wandering around to different church denominations every sunday for a while now, but I’m still way too terrified to stray beyond the “safe” ones, i.e. the ones that are either too large or too aloof to really notice strangers.
The likelihood of being approached at a service runs from Catholic (a handshake if you’re really lucky) to the mainstream Protestants (have a donut!) to evangelical (have a donut. have you been saved?) to the various non-Christian options (where are you from? have a donut. what is your mother’s name?)
i have thus far consumed zero free donuts out of terror.
just had a horrible, paranoid thought about the thing that happened
i must not think the thought
5 Plots on Gender You Have to See (Weekly Plotly Roundup)
We’ve posted a new roundup of the latest and greatest Plotly plots! Check out our full post with the interactive plots embedded to find more awesome content.
The data for this area plot comes from a study in which researchers sent thousands of identical emails to professors across the country and signed them with names signalling different genders and ethnicities. Basically, in every department outside the Fine Arts, emails signed with a “white male” name received more attention than almost any of the others — even when the professors were themselves women or members of a minority group. Read more…